Hello! This is Alice! Recently, I’ve waded through Emma Bull’s Territory and I’m now knee-deep in Martha Wells’s The Death of the Necromancer.
Imma be frank. Territory felt choked-up and inconsequential. The Death of the Necromancer is just bad. They have their merits (the former more so than the latter), but my foremost feeling is being deeply disappointed. Shucks, these stories coulda been good! Why’d they have to be ruined so?
Actually, I’m disappointed in pretty much every book I read. Even the ones I’m wildly ecstatic about, like The Knight. (Seriously, why the fuck is every damn woman hot on Able?)
Yes, every book I’ve ever read usually contained something I’m not happy about. I’ve been mad, I’ve been sad, I’ve raged, frothed, sighed, groaned, complained, and, in various degrees, been disappointed. And you know what, guys? That’s bloody good.
Why? Well, because I’m a writer. I became a writer because I was disappointed. And I keep being a writer because I keep being disappointed.
Disappointment is my fuel, people. It’s what gets my ass off the couch, puffed up and red with anger, swearing, “You band of no goods, I’m gonna show you how that’s done!” Disappointment is what makes me write. In fact, the day I’m perfectly content is prolly the day I’m gonna die.
Yes, yes, I know what you folks are gonna say. “Don’t you have any joy in your writing? What motivates me is joy! Overflowing joy!” Don’t worry, I have that, too, I’m not a total grouch. But I far prefer disappointment as my motivator.
Again, why? For the very simple reason it tells me what to do. I’m disappointed with Able being an insufferable chick-magnet? Imma do that better. I’m disappointed with the naive “noble criminal” of The Death of the Necromancer? Imma do that better. Joy, on the other hand – well, it’s nice, too. But all it does is make me go, “Yay!”
That’s why, the worse a book is, the better fuel it is. In general. And I’m not saying I love terrible books. Hell, if I was happy with them, I wouldn’t have my healthy dose of disappointment!
I’m saying terrible books deserve to exist. Like shadow, they show us where the light is.
Also, no matter how mad I may be at others, as a writer, my deepest disappointment must always lie with my own work. I can’t really go out there, clobber Wolfe on the head, and demand that he write better, can I?
No, it is me I must clobber.
Candy and Games 
I admire your attitude. Mostly I just get depressed. “This book is a no.1 bestseller, and the writer doesn’t know the difference between that and who.” Cue tears of frustration. I do learn from the disappointing books, but I wish I could skip the depression stage.
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Don’t worry, I get that too. 😀 I’ve been working to distance myself from the idea that a best-selling book is the only kind of good book, but that bastard’s rooted deep.
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Great post! That was a pretty heady insight.
I don’t know offhand what percentage of my blog posts are inspired by my disappointment with things I read or hear, but it’s got to be at least a third. At the very least, a third. And you’re right — disappointment gives you a direction to go.
This post has been very useful in understanding myself. But it’s sucked — sucked! — at disappointing me. Try better, Alice. So far, you’ve been no good at all as a source of disappointment ever since I started reading you.
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Yay for disappointment! The so-called negative emotions get unnecessary flack. They can give you a great boost, just don’t let them master you. But then again, we shouldn’t let happiness and joy master us either, right?
Thanks! 😀 Sweet of you to say so, Paul. I’m sure I’ll get there yet!
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Reblogged this on Go Dog Go Café and commented:
Paul Sunstone picks this for Pay It Forward Thursday at the GDG
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Honoured! 😀
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I found this post to be more interesting than I thought it’d be. I know for me personally whenever I hear a book is a bestseller 9 times out of 10 I end up hating it for some reason. And I think reading books and not finding something in a book you would want to read is definitely a great motivation to write because then you can be the author responsible for writing it.
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Word. 😀 It’s taken me ages to get myself to believe that best-selling books may not be good books at all. And I still fall for it occasionally!
Also, yes. I think disappointment secretly powers many creative pursuits. “Why isn’t anybody making the kind of jewelry I want to wear? Well, darn it, Imma make it myself!”
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Oh, I definitely still fall into that trap myself. One of the books I’ve just recently finished reading lots of people enjoyed and it sounded like something I’d enjoy, but I didn’t.
Yeah, I definitely have a couple story ideas myself in mind that I haven’t seen written. I just have to actually take the time now to work on them for them to become reality.
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Yeah. “Necromancer” was that for me. Reason to be wary of recommendations sometimes.
Oh, please do! 🙂
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For me, I’ve had that experience with two books: “The Girl on the Train” and “Dark Places.” I know part of it was because I didn’t like most of the characters and the way the story and plot was written just didn’t excite me that much.
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